All you people who want Land Rover Discoveries are insane

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 04/23/2015 at 15:30 • Filed to: None

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For some reason there appear to be several posts today about wanting to buy a Land Rover Discovery. This makes sense to me, because Land Rover Discoveries are nice looking trucks. But the Land Rover Discovery is also quite possibly the worst vehicle I’ve ever driven, and I’ve driven a U-Haul van.

I’ve !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! —an ‘04 Discovery II HSE7 fully loaded with the laughably small third row seat—one time. It was enough for me to not want to do it again.

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Here are things the Land Rover Discovery does well:

Look nice, and convey an aura of having cost a bunch of money.

Have lots of headroom.

Drive up and over many obstacles.

Leak assorted mechanical fluids.

But this Discovery II HSE7 was, as I said, quite possibly the worst vehicle I’ve ever driven. Here’s why.

The Discovery’s on-road handling can best be described as “it exists, as a concept.” The Discovery possesses steering which in theory should work most of the time for coaxing it around turns. Make sure to take those turns extremely slowly, or you will tip over. Also make sure to brake well in advance of when you think you need to start braking, in order to actually stop where you need to stop, and not have the front end dive down so low it starts plowing through the road surface.

The ride is a mix of floaty and crashy. It’s smooth, until you hit a pothole which sends a shudder through the not-stiff-at-all chassis and sets every piece of poorly-fitting plastic in the interior a-rattling.

Seems like a nice enough place to spend some time, right? Except the switches don’t make any sense to operate, and every single piece of the interior squeaks or rattles. The cup holders are ideally sized to not hold most common beverage sizes, and ideally placed to hit you in the knee.

For such a large vehicle, the Discovery is inexcusably cramped inside. It has tons of headroom because of how tall it is. But the driver’s left leg is likely making very good friends with the door panel. The foot rest is ridiculously tiny and so far under the dash as to make you have to reach down under there and stretch your left leg out, completely opposite from your right leg which is bent in order to place your right foot on the pedals. Back seat legroom? Sure, if the driver is under 5’8”.

Good luck sitting in any of these seats once they’ve been adjusted to fit normal-sized humans.

Have you ever been driving down the road minding your business, only to be cut off by someone in a Discovery? It might be because the Discovery driver is an asshole, but it’s just as likely that they didn’t see you, because it’s impossible to see vehicles behind a Discovery. The tailgate window view is obstructed by the spare tire, and the side mirrors are so small and poorly placed that it’s impossible for a Discovery driver to get a sense of what’s behind them.

This Discovery’s side mirrors, which are folded in, are only slightly less useful than normal.

If you want a somewhat cool looking off-road capable vehicle with lots of headroom but not enough room for the rest of you, that tips over with even the slightest provocation, makes lots of annoying interior noises, and has such poor rearward visibility that you inadvertently cut people off because you didn’t see them, then by all means, the Discovery is the right choice for you.

Kanaric > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:36

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They are terrible. For some reason a lot of people here like terrible vehicles because “reasons”.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:39

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Dude, the outward visibility is beyond extreme. I have never been in an SUV or truck that allowed me so many ways to verify where other cars are.

The Disco is not the “Best 4x4xFar”

No mid-sized SUVs with any actual towing capacity or torue have solid axles any more. (You shut your whore mouth about Jeeps, because they cannot tow anything without dropping highway speeds to 60mph or below)

boxrocket > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:40

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Older Discos are a bit of a mess, but I have a strong soft spot for the newer ones (aka LR3/4), and would be hard-pressed to choose between an LR4 and a similarly-priced (and CarMax-warranted - thanks, DeMuro!) Range Rover.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:40

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MMmm those 04 G4 inspired wheels

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:40

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Those 04 roof bars.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:41

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Hill descent control

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:41

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Hazards

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:41

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Rear Airbag deflate/inflate button

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:41

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Rear defroster

lone_liberal > Kanaric 04/23/2015 at 15:41

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My current theory is that a lot of people here are too young, or grew up too wealthy, to have experienced crappy cars first hand so now they have a fetish for them.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:41

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Central door lock button

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:42

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Automatic shifter

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:42

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Transfer case shift level

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:42

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Horn number 2 (operates the second horn)

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:43

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Horn number 1 (operates the left horn) {there are 2 separate horns because awesome}

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:43

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Cruise control switches

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:43

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Mode, Volume, Skip-Seek switches

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:43

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Cruise Control

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:44

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Front fogs (can be used to power aftermarket brush mounted lamps)

HammerheadFistpunch > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:44

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I think many of the things you complain about apply to all of the vehicles in this class. However, I haven’t spent enough time in one to make an accurate assessment.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:44

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Rear fog lamp switch (requirement for British SUVs and trucks)

Textured Soy Protein > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 04/23/2015 at 15:44

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The outward visibility is great...to the front and sides.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:47

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Narrow pillars at all points.

Discovery Top tip!!!

Don’t buy the HSE with the rear jump seats (they are useless anyway)

Also secondary top tip - put down the center armrest in the back seat so you can see out the back.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:48

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Homelink.

Also can be modified to make your seats memory seats!!!

Textured Soy Protein > HammerheadFistpunch 04/23/2015 at 15:49

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Midsize SUVs I have driven that the Discovery is far worse than:

WK & WJ Grand Cherokee

3rd, 4th & 5th gen 4Runner

2nd & 3rd gen Pathfinder

1st gen GX

Textured Soy Protein > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 04/23/2015 at 15:50

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Every single switch you annotated still doesn’t make any sense because the kinja thumbnails aren’t zoomed in enough.

HammerheadFistpunch > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 15:53

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thats fair. though I have a hard time believing its a worse drive than a 3rd gen 4runner or 2nd pathfinder...those things were dogs. reliable, interesting, dogs.

Textured Soy Protein > HammerheadFistpunch 04/23/2015 at 15:58

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Maybe I should clarify, 2.5 gen Pathfinder LE with the VQ. Which is, imho, the best Pathfinder.

The 3rd gen 4Runner is slow for sure but other than that and sitting somewhat down on the floor (but not as bad as the 4th gen) pretty much everything about it is better than the Disco.

HammerheadFistpunch > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 16:00

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man that 5vz-fe was a turd of an engine.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 16:02

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LOL. Kinja being kinja

Land Rover being Land Rover!!!

yamahog > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 04/23/2015 at 16:03

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Psh, I can tow my motorcycle in a covered trailer at 65mph with the XJ, and mine has a lift kit and oversized mud tires on a plain 8.25 rear! Visibility for days too!

It’s also a complete heap of shit that’s blowing smoke and feels like it’s about to fall apart, but that can easily be attributed to over 250k hard miles.

Cé hé sin > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 04/23/2015 at 16:11

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EU vehicles in general, not just cars. Trucks, buses, vans, they all have at least one.

Cé hé sin > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 04/23/2015 at 16:14

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Something different.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Cé hé sin 04/23/2015 at 16:14

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Do I get at least half credit?

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Cé hé sin 04/23/2015 at 16:16

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The want!!!!

It’s sooooo real!!!!

Cé hé sin > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 04/23/2015 at 16:20

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Technically, a quarter credit. Not just the UK and not just SUVs and trucks.

So there’s that.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Cé hé sin 04/23/2015 at 16:22

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ZHP Sparky, the 5th > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 16:25

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I was totally with you until I saw the manual transmission. Inexplicable WANT!

Meh, who am I kidding - the shifter probably isn’t even connected to anything, being a LR. No want.

Textured Soy Protein > ZHP Sparky, the 5th 04/23/2015 at 16:51

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It could very well be connected to something, but I’m pretty sure it was never available in the US.

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 17:28

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If I hadn’t looked at the author I would have thought it was a DeMuro original, well done atlas haha

Sam > HammerheadFistpunch 04/23/2015 at 18:10

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That’s strange, because ours has gone 280k miles on the original engine with only regular maintenance.

HammerheadFistpunch > Sam 04/23/2015 at 18:13

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durable, but a turd.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > HammerheadFistpunch 04/23/2015 at 20:02

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A turd that can be boosted to 400 crank hp reliably, without internal modification.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Textured Soy Protein 04/23/2015 at 20:05

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Earlier U.S. models actually were.

http://www.carsforsale.com/vehicle/detail…

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > lone_liberal 04/23/2015 at 20:05

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I don’t mind turds, I just don’t want one as my only option.

lone_liberal > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 04/23/2015 at 20:07

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Excellent point.

HammerheadFistpunch > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 04/23/2015 at 20:22

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Yup...

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 11/30/2016 at 16:42

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ugh that flat on the floor seating position in all 4runners until the current model. makes my knees hurt just thinking about it

Textured Soy Protein > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 11/30/2016 at 17:01

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Current one is ok but visibility sucks and the step-in height is ridiculously tall. 4th gen was really bad sitting on the floor and a tall dash. I hate that. 3rd gen was half decent.

1st gen Lexus GX a.k.a. Land Cruiser Prado, after they updated it to the 275 hp version of that motor, is the best 4Runner except for the somewhat unreliable air suspension.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Textured Soy Protein 11/30/2016 at 17:03

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air suspension, why did they ever think that was a good idea?

Textured Soy Protein > R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet 11/30/2016 at 17:13

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Gotta have that adjustable ride height, apparently.